China drivers joke
Tags:
In honor of the post elsewhere about traffic in Zhuhai, I present to you all a joke: mind you, it's only that. Don't get all huffy. ;)
Not long ago, a China factory owner bought for his son a brand new car, and just as soon as he could he ran to pick up his best friend for a ride. They drove fast, as the Chinese tend to do, and when they came to a red light, instead of stopping, the driver ran right through the intersection.
“What are you doing?” the friend asked. “You know that was a red light?”
“Ah, don’t worry about it,” he said. “My father does it all the time.”
They came to another red light, Again, the driver barreled right through.
“It’s a red light! You’re going to get us killed!”
“I told you, don’t worry. My father does it all the time.”
The friend was a nervous wreck, and then the driver came to a green light.
Instead of going through the intersection, the driver stopped the car just short of it.
“What are you doing now?! That’s a green light - it means we can go!”
“Yeah, we could… but my father might be coming the other way.”
Based on a true story..
Based on a true story..
ROFLMAO!!!! regards, T.
ROFLMAO!!!!
regards,
T. Tempest. DCA
____________________
"I'd love a thousand words in a foreign language." Tang Yuchuan
All welcome to visit my homepage http://www.kong-xi.com/doc.html
Like father,like son.
Like father,like son.
At the speed they drive here
At the speed they drive here traffic lights are kind of useless. Warp speed over here means 70kph ...
Back home we are used to a wee little more.
But its a good joke. Keep them coming
How true! Pedestrians and
How true! Pedestrians and drivers are alike. They keep crossing the streets even when the lights are red.
Thanks for the joke...
Can anyone tell me why they
Can anyone tell me why they all slow down to 35-40 klms in the tunnel...scared of the dark maybe !
ha ha ha ... cameras in the
ha ha ha ... cameras in the tunnel :) its 200 rmb fine for speeding in tunnel i heard :)
-Anu.
I reckon zhuhai traffic
I reckon zhuhai traffic situation is not as bad as that of Guangzhou.... Thankfully we dont have to tolerate the apparently eternal traffic jams....
It is true not only in
It is true not only in Zhuhai, but also the rest of China.
Wuhan and Changsha are
Wuhan and Changsha are unbelievable .First come first through .No regard for courtesy or rules...just go for it !!
HAHA!! That's hilarious.
HAHA!! That's hilarious. Nice one.
Maybe as expats we can get a
Maybe as expats we can get a good deal on a second hand armoured vehicle? Destruction Derby here i come.
I recently had occasion to
I recently had occasion to take a taxi from Gongbei to Ningxi. I got in the taxi in front of the Yinhua hotel, and the driver was driving so recklessly that forced him to let me out at the Bei Ling (Canon factory) bus stop. There, I got on the #10 bus which, 2 blocks before, WE HAD PASSED ON THE RIGHT!!! I am now fully convinced that any ride in a taxy here is best done with your eyes closed. It’s much easier on the heart that way.
An Italian, a Scotsman and a
An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site.
The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, 'You're in charge of sweeping.'
To the Scotsman he says, 'You're in charge of shoveling.'
And to the Chinese guy, 'You're in charge of supplies.'
He then says, 'Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile.'
So the foreman goes away for a couple hours and when he returns, the pile of sand is untouched.
He asks the Italian, 'Why didn't you sweep any of it?'
The Italian replies, 'I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinese a fella that he a wasa in a charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere.'
Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says, 'And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile.'
The Scotsman replies, 'Aye, ye did lad, boot ah couldnay get meself a shoovel! Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldnayfin' him either.'
The foreman is really angry now and storms off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy ...Just then, the Chinese guy leaps out from behind the pile of sand and yells...
'SUPPLIES!!'
可怕的不是进步速度慢，而是止步不前
Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still
LEARN TO SPEAK CHINESE...
LEARN TO SPEAK CHINESE...
Ai Bang Mai Ne I bumped into the coffee table
Ar U Wun Tu A gay liberation greeting
Chin Tu Fat You need a face lift
Dum Gai A stupid person
Gun Pao Der An ancient Chinese invention
Hu Flung Dung Which one of you fertilized the field?
Hu Yu Hai Ding We have reason to believe you are harboring a
fugitive
Jan Ne Ka Sun A former late night talk show host
Kum Hia Approach me
Lao Ze Sho Gilligan's Island
Lao Zi Not very good
Lin Ching An illegal execution
Moon Lan Ding Achievement of the American space program
Ne Ahn A lighting fixture used in advertising signs
Shai Gai A bashful person
Tai Ne Bae Be A premature infant
Tai Ne Po Ne A small horse
Ten Ding Ba Serving drinks to people
Wan Bum Lung A person with T.B.
Yu Mai Te Tan Your vacation in Hawaii agrees with you
Wa Shing Kah Cleaning an automobile
Wai So Dim Are you trying to save electricity?
Wai U Shao Ting There is no reason to raise your voice
Si-Ling Fan A device to keep you cool
Sum Dum Fuk Irritating drivers
可怕的不是进步速度慢，而是止步不前
Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still
roflmao!!!! Both were
roflmao!!!!
Both were hilarious!
You have hurt the feelings
You have hurt the feelings of the Chinese people! Do not meddle with China's internal affairs! If you don't like Chinese people then you should leave! George Bush loves oil! (There-did I cover it all??) ;)
I'll have the cream of Sum Yung Gai.
(Very old school there...)
I can associate with the
I can associate with the drivers joke. I once spend a week in the Chang-an area of Dongguan. Much of it was on the road with a local businessman who not once ever did more than slow for a red light. As he explained - no one was dare going to hit his expensive BMW, so he crossed red lights at will. He was not the only one. The traffic in Zhuhai is like a bunch of grandmothers going for a sunday drive compared to Changan. The only rule there, is that there are no rules. He with the biggest goolies wins.
Just got back from Guangzhou
Just got back from Guangzhou ... I have never seen it so quite on the roads there, no doubt courtesy of the holiday season. I wish it was like today all the time. Strangely Zhuhai doesn't seem much different.
The "quietness" on the
The "quietness" on the streets in GZ might have something to do with the banning of motorbikes from the central city streets.
------------------------------------------------------
You can get more with a kind word....and a gun....than you can with only a kind word!
Why do intersections have
Why do intersections have little green men on the traffic lights. It obviously has nothing to d with pedestrians being allowed to cross or it appears that way to me!
Being as pedestrian
Being as pedestrian crossings, lane markers, traffic signs, and traffic lights are for reference only anywhere in China, a marked pedestrian crossing does not necessarily indicate a safe place to cross the road, but only that it might be a good place to make a run for it.
That's what the little green man is telling you.
------------------------------------------------------
You can get more with a kind word....and a gun....than you can with only a kind word!
Thats why they invented the
Thats why they invented the running man here. Run for your life . Best is to buy steel tipped shoes . Saves on doctor fees when they run over your feet.
Steel toes are also good for
Steel toes are also good for bashing in the side of the car that ran through the red light and brushes by you while you're in the crossing. I did that one night in front of Jusco. I don't thinkthat the kick did much damage, but it dammed sure made me feel a lot better.
------------------------------------------------------
You can get more with a kind word....and a gun....than you can with only a kind word!
Can anyone tell me if the
Can anyone tell me if the white Zebra stripes at most crossings are supposed to be (by law) places where the traffic is supposed to stop an let pedestians across (we all know that's not the way it works) .... I just want to know what the actual law is.
Technically, that's correct.
Technically, that's correct. The traffic is supposed to stop if there is a pedestrian in the crosswalk. A few years ago I actually saw some cops handing out tickets to drivers who didn't stop close to the Bei Ling bus stop in Gongbei. Haven't seen that again in a long, long time though.
My thoghts are that the marked crossings are not actually a safe place to cross, but maybe just a good place to make a run for it.
Good Luck and R.P.P. if you guess wrong.
------------------------------------------------------
You can get more with a kind word....and a gun....than you can with only a kind word!
Andrew ...
Andrew ...
I occasionally like to play
I occasionally like to play chicken with the drivers while I am in the cross walk. They usually stop. I haven't tried it yet with a tour bus, though. The problem is that the typical Chinese pedestrian ALWAYS cedes right of way to the car.
Ooops! I meant to write
Ooops! I meant to write "Good luck and R.I.P. if you guess wrong."
------------------------------------------------------
You can get more with a kind word....and a gun....than you can with only a kind word!
Technically dead is not much
Technically dead is not much use even if you were technically correct, but I love "ddblogh"'s sence of adventure. I am with you, but first you have to know they have eye contact, and the law on your side.
I will always chicken out
I will always chicken out first if I have to.
I may have a death wish, but I am not stupid :-)